i got rants in my pants.

i got rants in my pants.

so for anyone that is wondering, and for those of you who don't really care either, i dislike my job.

i am training to be the office manager for a small company in monroe, louisiana. the job in and of itself is easy. it is data entry, accounts receivable, and scheduling. i am also having to learn about the equipment and labor involved in the maintenance of two-way radio systems that local agencies like fire departments use. it might sound interesting when put that way, but it isn't.

the current office manager has worked here for 28 years. that is 28 years worth of knowledge that she must relay to me. this woman's mind is like a steel trap. she can tell you what happened a year ago, the date it happened, how much it cost and who performed the job. she is pretty awesome like that. however, she is a micro manager. she is old fashioned. she isn't adaptable to any change. she has the personality of a gnat. all qualities in a manager that i would like to avoid like the plague.

in a lot of ways, a bad job is really like a bad relationship. i dread coming to work every day. i hem and haw on a daily basis about whether or not i should run for the hills, flailing my hands about in freedom or whether i should just stick with it because it is somewhat familiar and because i have invested a year in it already. i feel terrible for wanting to leave because they have invested time and money in training me and keeping me around. i have also had a one-on-one with the owner, and my actual boss once the current manager retires, telling him that i really am interested in staying here provided that the work load increases and that the current manager allow me to have more responsibilities.

i am starting to have second thoughts about this relationship. one positive side to having a job you dislike is learning what you have to offer that is not being utilized and learning what you really want out of a job.

for starters, i would like a career. a vocation. a reason. not just a job. a job is what you get in high school so you don't have to ask your parents for walking-around-money. it is what you do while you are in college to pay for things like rent, bar tabs and cute clothes. a job is not something that a near-thirty-year-old wants in life.

she wants a career. i want something that i will enjoy doing forever. a job is short-term. a career lasts a life time. it is something you can do anywhere and that you enjoy growing old with. something that will carry you through marriage, children, mid-life crises and retirement. a vocation. a calling. a purpose. a reason. fulfillment in more than a paycheck. seeing something that you do, created, sweated and worried over, and brought to life bring meaning to someone else's life. i want to have meaning. i want to do something, be someone, and go somewhere.. the place i am now allows me to be nothing. to grow older but not wiser. and to go nowhere.

i want to work for someone who does not micromanage me. you hired me because you thought i could do the tasks in the job description. do not go behind me and check my work. do not stand over my shoulder and watch me. and do not tell me how to do the same thing more than once unless i ask. show some trust in the abilities you presumably hired me for and let me do my job. i will probably do it better than you expected, or could do, if you will just stand back and let me shine.

please don't make me sit behind a desk all day every day. i need to move around. i need some fresh air every once in a while. i need to meet people outside of the same seven people who come in here every day, looking for something exciting or new in their own lives. (why they come here looking i will never understand) i need to use my hands to change things. i need to talk to people outside the brick-and-mortar shell you live in. i cannot thrive behind a computer, attached to a phone all day. i refuse to be confined to a cubicle which, in my vocabulary, is a four-letter word.

don't expect me to leave things the way you have them. if you give me a space in which to work, you can guarantee i will move it around, reorganize it, throw away some things (gasp!) and make it more efficient for me. i will use it in a totally different way than you did so you cannot expect your set up to work for me. and for the love of all things holy, please do not leave your stuff on my newly claimed territory. stay out of my little bubble.

pay me what i am worth. i have a business degree from a recognized and respected university that i paid a lot of money for. and if you can't pay me what i am worth because the job doesn't allow me to perform to my highest standards then let me go and find someone else who is happy with settling. happy with being complacent. happy with a mediocre job and mediocre pay. i want to work hard, i want to enjoy working hard and seeing a result, and i want to be fairly compensated for the hard work that i do.

finally, show your appreciation in other ways besides that paycheck. say "thanks" or "good job" or "nice work" every once in a while. take me out to lunch. don't make me wonder if all this hard work i am doing is pleasing you or if you just really don't care. feedback, negative or positive, will always be accepted. if i don't know what you're thinking i will never be able to fix the problem or know if i need to keep doing what i am doing.

so, needless to say, i am currently on the lookout for a different job. i am spiffing up my resume and sending it out, praying that i find something that i suit, that suits me.

why am i telling you all of this? because i seek your prayers and your encouragement. i need to be reassured that i am doing the right thing and that i will find something that fulfills me. and because i lean on you people for support and friendship. and because i needed to get it all off my chest. and between this and having a nice lunch with the hubs i feel a lot better already. :)